Laugh out Loud With These Jokes about Singers

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a singer!"
"Now Johnny, you know you can't do both!"

Why are so many musician jokes one liners ?
So the singer can understand them

How do you make a singer's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Why did the singer leave his mic on the dashboard?
So he can park in handicapped.

None, he holds on and the world revolves around him.

The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a singer!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced.

The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a singer"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."

What's the difference between a singer and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call a singer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

How do you get a singer to shut up?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

A singer who suspects his girlfriend of cheating on him goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds her naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now He’s angry. He opens his coat and takes out the gun. But as he does so, he is overcome with grief and points the gun at his own head.
The girlfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," the singer says. "You’re next."

A singer and and guitarist are riding horses out in the country, when all of a sudden the singer jumps off his horse, runs around behind it, and gives it a kiss right on the tail. The guitarist, totally baffled asked the singer what the hell he was doing?
"I've got chapped lips," replies the singer.
"And That helps?"
"No," says the singer, "but it keeps me from licking them"

A singer and a bassist are driving down the road when the car breaks down. The only place around is this little farm house, so they walk over and knock on the door. This old farmer answers the door and gives them a weary look.
"Our car broke down, can we use your phone."
"Don't have a phone," the farmer answered. "But you can stay in the barn tonight." The two musicians thank the farmer, but notice at the top of the stairs is the very attractive daughter of the old man. The farmer notices them noticing his daughter and gets a little angry. "I mean it, stay in the barn... if I catch either one of you in the house, I will shoot you.
The bass player and singer go out to the barn, but can't sleep.. The bassist turns over and says "I can't take this... I have to go in the house and see that girl." He then gets up, goes inside and tries to find the daughter. All of a sudden though he hears the farmers voice and stops.
"Who is that, who's down there?" yells the farmer.
"Meow," replies the bassist. The farmer responds by throwing a shoe down the stairs and yelling at the cat to get out. The bassist runs back to the barn and tells the singer what happened.
"I can't take this," says the singer. It;s my turn to go to the house. The singer then attempts to go see the girl, but is also heard by the Farmer.
"Who's down there, who is it?
The singer stops and replies... "It's the cat."

These two singers walk into a brothel, and the madam doesn't feel like wasting time on these two guys, so she sends them to their room with blow up dolls. Well, the two guys do their business and then get in the car and head home. One the way back, one singer turns to the other and says, "You know, I think my girl was dead. She didn't moan, groan, or even move. I don't even think she was breathing."
"Really?" said the other singer. "You know, now that I think about it, I think my lady was a witch?"
"A witch?"" asked the first singer. "Why do you think that?"
"Well, when I started nibbling on her ear, she flew out the window."

This singer is sitting at home while his wife is at work. His wife calls him at home, and seems very excited. "You won't believe this," she says, "but I just won the lottery. $5 million. I'm on my way home, pack your bags."
"That's incredible. I can't believe it," said the singer. "What should I pack?"
His wife answered, "It doesn't matter, just as long as you are out of the house in five minutes."

A man & his wife decide for their retirement, they want to take a trip to West Africa, something they'd talked about their entire lives.
So they book the trip. The plane lands in Africa, and the first thing they notice when the get off the plane is the sound of native drums. Seems no matter where they go, to the market, swimming, on safari there is the constant sound of drums. One day the man asks his guide "why is there constant drumming here?" The guide replies "as long as you hear the drums, there is peace and tranquility in our land"

One day as they are traveling with the guide, the drums suddenly stop.
The guide's eyes become fearfully wide open and he exclaims, "oh God!"
The man replies "You look terrified! What is going to happen now??"
The guide replies "The singer is going to talk!"