Johnny starting playing guitar as a child, and his encouraging mother always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a guitarist. One day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a guitarist!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the guitar.
The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a guitarist!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the guitar.
The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a guitarist?"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in.
How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.
What do call a successful guitarist?
A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs.
"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you know you can't do both!"
Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...
the other was a guitarist as well ..
What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
A guitarist who suspects his girlfriend of cheating on him goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds her naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now He’s angry. He opens his coat and takes out the gun. But as he does so, he is overcome with grief and points the gun at his own head.
The girlfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," the guitarist says. "You’re next."
A guy goes into a doctor's office complaining of pain. The doctor asks, "where does it hurt?" The guy touches his arm and says ouch. Then he touches his knee and says owwwwwch. Then he touches his stomach and says owwww. "It hurts everywhere" he tells the doctor.
The doctor says... "you're a guitarist aren't you?" The guy replies, "how did you know that?" The doctor tells him, "you don't hurt everywhere... you're finger is broken."
These two guitarist walk into a brothel, and the madam doesn't feel like wasting time on these two guys, so she sends them to their room with blow up dolls. Well, the two guys do their business and then get in the car and head home. One the way back, one turns to the other and says, "You know, I think my girl was dead. She didn't moan, groan, or even move. I don't even think she was breathing."
"Really?" said the other guitarist. "You know, now that I think about it, I think my lady was a witch?"
"A witch?"" asked the first guitarist. "Why do you think that?"
"Well, when I started nibbling on her ear, she flew out the window."
This guitarist is sitting at home while his wife is at work. His wife calls him at home, and seems very excited. "You won't believe this," she says, "but I just won the lottery. $5 million. I'm on my way home, pack your bags."
"That's incredible. I can't believe it," said the guitarist. "What should I pack?"
His wife answered, "It doesn't matter, just as long as you are out of the house in five minutes."
What do you say to a guitarist in a suit?
Will the defendant please rise.
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.
How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one
How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.
What's the difference between a guitar player and a Porsche?
Most musicians have never been a Porsche.
Drop an Guitar Player and a watermelon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first ? Who cares
Three guitarists collaborated on a book of scales. Each contributed the one he knew.
What are the two most frequent heavy metal guitarist lies?
1. I am not too loud! 2. I already turned way down dude!
How can you tell when your guitarist arrives at your studio?
He's late and has the wrong key.
Why did the guitarist leave his guitar on the dashboard?
So he can park in handicapped.
What do you call perfect pitch?
Throwing a guitar in the toilet without hitting the rim.
How do you get a guitar player off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza
How many guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it and nine to tell how they could have done it better.